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KAYLA

Apr. 5th, 2009 03:25 pm

Sooo we have signed the lease, and payed the security deposit. Meghan, Sharon, Tyler, and I officially have an apartment!!! :) I am so excited.

School is almost over, yet another school year has flown by. It's kind of crazy to me how fast time is moving lately. What they tell you when you're growing up is true. Enjoy the time you have now, when you reach a certain age it seems to just fly by. Since it is indeed moving so fast, I can't help but feel that i'm missing out on something constantly. I just cannot wait to move into this apartment, yay for being an adult. :)

So I lost my job mid february, and if I actually updated this thing ever, you'd know that. But yeah so i was without a job for about a month. I ended up getting a job the same day that I signed the lease for my apartment! sweet right?! Meghan, Sharon, and I are not only living together, but working together. We're gonna kill each other haha. Lets hope not.

I have found the person that I could honestly see myself marrying. All I have to do, is make him see it too....

Current Mood: draineddrained
Current Music: Owl City - The Technicolor Phase

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Feb. 15th, 2009 03:19 pm

dear hallmark,

fuck you.

not love,
kayla

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Jan. 29th, 2009 09:37 pm

sorry for the long break. haha the end of the semester was a busy one for me.
new years was decent. definitely could have been better. my phone got broken. i did however get to see trent, and kyra. and a lot of missed loves. that was a plus.

this semester is looking a lot better than last. other than work completely pissing me off, things are going well thus far. then again its only been about a month so far. i'm hoping i can raise my grades or i can kiss the chance of getting an apartment goodbye.

i am currently saving up or trying to at least, for this perfect apartment for meghan, sharon, and i. it is quite amazing, and perfectly located.

i really hope it all works out. that'd be a nice turn around for how this year has started out.




there are so many things about you that i absolutely adore. i wish i could just find some i didnt like...that would make this so much easier

Current Mood: indifferentindifferent
Current Music: Plain White T's - Sad Story

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Nov. 24th, 2008 09:19 pm

so this is my life right now...in a nutshell.

school is beyond stressful at this point. not only am i overwhelmed with my work load, but i'm stressing about if i'm even cut out for this. everything for these classes are so expensive, and at this rate i'm never going to be able to actually live on my own. let alone ever get the camera i want for my career.

anytime i like someone, something manages to go wrong with it. but only when i genuinely like the person and feel it could actually be something great.

case 1: he leaves and joins the army, obviously thats not gonna work.
case 2: he lives back home where i'm from, which is no longer my home. and is too far away for us to even attempt to make anything work out. because neither one of us has enough money to go back and forth.
case 3: my favorite... i get the friend line. i normally get that one when my feelings are strong.."kayla, i just see you as a friend."

seriously, for every man and woman out there...dont use that line. it fucks people up. theywill sit and wonder what they are doing wrong. why they keep getting this line from people. how they can try no to do whatever it was that caused this to happen...try to figure out if everyone this far sees me as just a friend, i wonder if i'm ever meant to be with anybody. or am i meant to always be "the friend"? etc. i'm not gonna lie, i've used the friend line when absolutely needed. but after recieving that cursed line so many times, i've thought long and hard about it, and what it can do to people. i will never use that line again...i hate it.

...i digress.

i feel like i'm losing touch with myself. or maybe its actually the opposite, i'm really not sure. i am becoming more and more apathetic towards life..and everything in it. i want to live and enjoy it, but at the same time just dont give a damn anymore. i dont know what's wrong with me. i dont know if i just havent found my purpose yet, or if i'm just depressed or becoming depressed. i'm tired all the time, i have no motivation to do anything. granted i enjoy spending time with my friends, but after a while i just kind of want to leave and be alone. i really hate it. i think too much and it doesnt help anything. i'm constantly trying to figure out how i can be surrounded by my friends and other people and still feel alone and empty. it honestly scares me. and it scares me how well i can hide it. i havent felt this useless and helpless since high school. and i dont know what to do anymore. i just hope i'll pull myself out of this and it gets better.

i've realized that there is a reason i dont update my livejournal, or my blog. it's because no one reads them...granted they're mostly for my to just vent, get mixed up shit in my head onto something else in words to try and make more sense of thoughts. but its never anything interesting, so i never do it. but i felt the need to write this one, i'm not entirely sure why. i'm sure no one will read it like usual. but i suppose that'll be okay for this one. cause i'm sure it sounds horribly depressed and people are gonna worry, or act like they worry..and i dont wanna deal with it. i'll be fine i'm sure, i just need time to figure out my life. organize it into something less pathetic than what it has become. something that is actually a life that i'm living and not just existing. i'm sick of existing, i want to live...i'm ready to live.

"to live is the rarest thing in the world. most people exist, that is all"
-Oscar Wilde

Current Mood: apatheticapathetic
Current Music: city & colour - day old hate

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Oct. 26th, 2008 11:59 pm

it's amazing how life can be.
last year i had so much free time, that i was almost bored all the time.
now this semester, i rarely have enough freetime to relax or get anything done.
but i kind of like it. i like feeling busy. at least i feel like i'm accomplishing something.

so trent left for the army at the beginning of september. it hit me harder than i expected. i miss the kid sooooo much. words cannot describe. we've written to each other quite a bit. but i've been so busy, i can hardly find the time to reply to his letters. i hate it. i'm trying to keep in touch as best i can. i've made some awesome new friends here since i've moved back to charlotte. none of which i get to hang out with too much, because of course...i'm busy all the time. but when i get the time i try my best to see people.

the love life is none existent at the moment.
dont have time, or the desire for a relationship right now.
well i always have the desire for one. but eh whatever
there are some great guys i've met, that i'd be somewhat interested in getting to know.
and see where that leads. but i'm not holding my breath.

uhhhhhhh life is good for the most part.
cant really complain. i've learned to appreciate life a lot more, after seeing some people i know not appreciate it. and seeing how miserable they are. i cant stand it. people are so lucky to have what they have in life. and dont even appreciate it. they need to learn to.

i dont know what else to say. because i'm lame. so good night. <3

Current Mood: contentcontent

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Jul. 16th, 2008 12:48 am

wow it's been a while.
i dont know why i'm so horrible with updating this thing.
probably because my life is so incredibly boring i feel no need to tell others about it.
my laptop broke shortly after my last entry.
so i have been without a laptop of my own since then.

so that probably has a lot to do with the lack of updating.
but oh well, you havent missed much.

me and trent tried the whole dating thing. for almost 4 months, and it didnt really work out like we planned. we are still amazing friends. and thats better than anything anyways :)
i miss him and everyone back in charlotte so much.
being home for the summer did not work out like i planned.
i didnt get the job i was hoping for, i'm not making the money i wanted to be making. everything is just kind of going to shit it seems. but hey thats life right?

i think i'm just meant to be broke all the time, i'm never going to be able to get the camera i want, therefore i will never be able to become the photographer i want to become. *sigh* why cant things just be simple. everything has to be complicated..and not just money issues...although thats usually what complicates any situation.

distance is an issue because of money.
college and my future is an issue because of money.
EVERYTHING that gets complicated in life is because of money.
i hate it.
this world truly does blow.
they make it to where you cant even enjoy life for what it is, because you cant afford to enjoy it. its fucking stupid.

this world is going to shit.

Current Mood: confusedconfused

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Mar. 26th, 2008 03:09 pm

so its amazing how my second semester is college is almost over. it doesnt feel like i've been here this long. but at the same time, i call it home. so i guess it kind of does feel that long? i dont know.

well my friend michael came into town last week. and just left this morning. although it was a little weird at first, i kinda got used to him being around. i'm gonna miss him. and i'm glad he came over here to see what the east coast was like. we enjoyed him.

i have been beyond stressed out lately. and because i've been stressed out its taking a toll on my body. i'm getting more of those stomach aches that i used to get, and i hate it. i really need to go to the doctor and find out what the hell is wrong with me, so i can fix it (if it can indeed be fixed). cause i'm getting sick of the stomach aches and shit i'm always getting. and i bet its ulcer. just because thats like one of the worst things it could be. blah theres just so much shit i have to do for school all at once. next semester is gonna whoop my ass. theres gonna be no way i can get a job other than on the weekends probably. although i did find out meghan did get accepted (like i knew she would) we wont be getting an apartment like we hoped for. because my mother doesnt believe i'm mature enough. at right now i wouldnt say i'm not mature enough. but the way things are looking i might not be able to handle school shit, work, and the apartment shit. which blows cause i was really looking forward to that. but what are you gonna do. i always have next year.


you've come back into my life. and things are different now. i'm still trying to figure out if it could work or not. i'm not going to lie. i'm scared...

Current Mood: blahblah
Current Music: Disturbed - Liberate

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Feb. 27th, 2008 12:16 pm

so its been a while, yet again.
i've just been living life day by day at this point.
trying to make things much more than just routine.
but sometimes its difficult.

this semester really has been incredible so far.
i'm doing so much better in my classes than last semester :D
i have really made some of the best friends since i've moved here.
not that i will EVER, EVER forget my friends back home.
they've been there for me through it all.
but having some new additions to that list, is always a nice thing.

spring break is approaching, and even though i'm not gonna be the typical college kid who is out at the beach the whole time. i'm still going to enjoy it, because i could definitely use the break. and i need to start searching for a summer job while i'm home.

i cannot wait for meghan to get her acceptance letter back from UNCC.
just so we can really start this whole looking for an apartment deal.
next year is going to kick ass. :) i can see it now.

Michael comes down to visit in a couple of weeks. i'm very excited.
i just hope he's not too bored while i'm in class and shit.
but meghan will be here, so i think it'll be just fine :)
its her spring break. so we both spend each others spring break..with the other.
should be swell :D haha

well i am off to go eat, then probably do some french homework. bleh.

<3

Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Current Music: Morah - Back Off Man I'm A Scientist.

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Feb. 6th, 2008 11:43 am

man, its been awhile since i've updated this thing :P
sorry i have been trying to keep up with it.
but i find myself busy with other things.
so far this semester is looking a hell of a lot better than last.
i took my first test in abnormal psych. yesterday.
i think i did pretty well.
took my first math test today, got it back and got a B
i might still do some of the extra credit just because.
your grade can never be too good :P ya know.

well i got my lip pierced this past friday.
and sharon got the rest of her tattoo finished.
it looks great. and unlike sharon, i'm having to get used to mine. haha
but i'm slowly getting there.

i'm just waiting and anticipating for this weekend to come.
should be a good one, although quite interesting haha
we'll see how it goes. :D
regardless i am still looking forward to it.

i wish i had more to update you on.
but honestly i dont really.
not too much going on in my life.
there's this boy.
but its beyond hopeless.
6000 miles is a bit far.
haha besides him.
theres a boy here that i found out likes me.
i dont really know what to do about that one.
he's from cali. but ya know goes to school here.
and i honestly didnt know he liked me.
*shrug* eh whatever. we'll see what happens with what.

ughhh poop on papers.
i dont wanna write ittttt<3

Current Location: dorm room.
Current Mood: chipperchipper
Current Music: The Almost - Dirty And Left Out

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Jan. 1st, 2008 11:18 pm

well so far this year is looking a hell of a lot better than last.
me and meghan drove to greensboro and met up with matthew yesterday for lunch.
chilled and actually had a pretty good time.
then headed out to charlotte when trent got there to pick us up.

i really missed those boys.
trent, tony, danny, will.
we had a blast.
went over to schaffer's party @ his house.
had a blast. free keg beer.
and i drank too much. along with meghan. haha
luckily i held it all in.
but we were all pretty smashed.
i had 4 new years kisses.
but not the one i really wanted of course. haha
but the ones i got were still great :)
meghan, trent, will, danny --in that order.

but other than like one downer
the night was great.
i just really hope that this year is better.
i NEED this year to be better.

Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
Current Music: Zoolander

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